Know-how and annoyance have fashioned a generally unreasonable partnership.
If you understand somebody’s telephone quantity, e-mail tackle, or social media, you can begin tossing messages at them. At will.
Please forgive me, however there got here some extent after I’d had sufficient.
For years, varied New York realtors have been calling me and leaving voicemails. Every one requested me if I wished to promote my property in Greenpoint.
Every voicemail would start with one thing alongside the traces of: “I see you personal the property at….”
Every time, I’d take a look at the useful Apple transcription of the voicemail after which trash it.
You see, I do not personal a property in Greenpoint. Or wherever in New York, for that matter. I’ve by no means owned a property in Greenpoint. Or wherever in New York, for that matter.
But someway these individuals imagine I do. Although I haven’t got a New York space code telephone quantity. I final lived in New York 14 years in the past.
A few weeks in the past, I confess I cracked somewhat.
You see, considered one of these high-quality New York realtors texted me. It started like this: “Hi there, Mr. Matyszczyk. My identify is Johnny Flimflam with Dunderhead Realty. I’m a dealer right here in NYC.” (Sure, I am not naming him or his realty’s actual identify.)
Flimflam continued: “I’m reaching out to you as a result of I see you personal the property 2021 Realtorssmell Avenue.” (Once more, not the actual tackle.)
Naturally, Flimflam wished to know if I used to be fascinated about promoting it, as he had two or three purchasers who would absolutely need to purchase it.
It is The Software program, Silly. Or The Silly Software program.
For the primary time, I responded to a New York realtor.
“The place did you get this quantity?” I requested, anticipating some form of considerate response. Goodness, did I get one.
“My crew and I’ve entry to software program that enables us to get data of NYC property homeowners,” defined Flimflam. “We use this just for the only objective of offering the most effective for our shopper’s business actual property wants. No data is given out or shared.”
I think one or two of chances are you’ll need to parse this Flimflammery. So Dunderhead Realty has some form of (authorized? unlawful?) entry to software program that immediately tells its high-quality brokers who owns what. This data isn’t, ever shared. Besides, maybe, with its personal employees and purchasers.
Please forgive me, however I used to be now past perplexed, heading towards verbal headbuttery.
I replied: “One of the best in your purchasers, eh? Your software program is clearly not superb.” Properly, I could have used a stronger time period than “not superb.” (I hope you possibly can forgive me.)
I imagined that Flimflam would pause for thought, maybe even supply some form of confusion and even apology.
As a substitute, he texted this: “So, I am assuming that is Caroline.”
I used to be tempted to answer: “So, I am assuming Dunderhead Realty is aptly named, Flimflam.” However I responded: “Caroline? Caroline Who?”
Immediately got here his clarification: “Caroline Weatherhaven.”
Sure, I’ve modified the identify he really gave too, as a result of he named somebody I dated. Fourteen years in the past.
The Software program At all times Is aware of Finest.
What sort of secret software program was this? What sort of software program salesperson had supplied clearly multiple New York realtor entry to this misbegotten bilge? The software program knew whom I might dated fourteen years in the past, however hadn’t obtained a clue that I did not personal any property in New York.
“So, first you check with me as Mr. Matyszczyk and now your wonderful software program has determined I am Caroline Weatherhaven?” I replied.
Even right here, there may need been an opportunity for a decorous exit on his half. As a substitute, he did not reply.
I’ve a perception that those that pester by textual content or telephone might not know what it appears like. So I waited a few hours and despatched him one other textual content: “So, who am I now? Pope Francis? Manu Ginobili? The make-up artist for Legislation And Order SVU?”
Lastly, there got here a supremely elegant response from Johnny Flimflam: “You are a loser who has no life apparently lmao.”
Ah, New York, it is as if I by no means left you.
So, I used some subtle software program — it is known as Google — to see that Flimflam is, certainly, a dealer with an allegedly fancy New York realty agency. He is praised on its web site for his professionalism and, oh, his consideration to element.
However I find yourself questioning simply how a lot individuals have ceded to software program, with out bothering to query it.
Flimflam did not even cease to suppose his software program might have been mistaken. He did not marvel why he was calling somebody in California. My tone absolutely advised him he was unlikely to make a sale, even when I had been the proprietor of this property.
As a substitute, he trusted his software program a lot that, on studying I wasn’t who he thought I used to be, instantly satisfied himself I should be my ex-girlfriend from greater than a decade in the past. As a result of, presumably, his software program advised him that was the one possibility.
Clearly, Dunderhead Realty is not alone in “getting access to” such very intelligent software program. Clearly, I am unable to be alone in getting such transferring pesterings.
But we’re now in a world the place the software program defines us, no matter any human thought-process that may wonder if that software program is definitely proper.
It is somewhat dunderheaded, is not it?